I certainly don't find your opinion offensive. I found this piece interesting & apposite, given the nature of the possible ambiguity of the issue and the amount of sexual abuse in our society.
However, your analogy with drink driving is upside-down and hence does *not* support your argument. Inadvertently, it also highlights the ease with which such emotive, intimate, harmful & even highly damaging encounters can be.
Your drink driver becomes the perpetrator - those injured are the victims. Contrarily, the drunk woman who doesn't know what she's doing or saying, is the victim.
What such situations really highlight is the complexity of human behavour and, in relation to sexual intimacy, the notion of "consent".
Some jurisdictions have already introduced laws which require active request for consent before any sexual intimacy, let alone penetration, occurs between two parties. Many people support such 'regulation' and the notion of "consent" as well as that of saying "no" are commonly raised in debate or discussion over matters of sexual abuse.
In spite of being well meaning, such arguments and regulations are all simplistic.
Sexual intimacy is, by its very nature, most commonly private and usually not witnessed by other than the participants. Much sexual intimacy is casual and it is almost a misnomer to call it intimacy. However, that is not to say it bad, wrong, harmful, forced or in any other way an indication of a lack of respect or care or of intent to control or manipulate. It is simply the reality of human nature and various factors relating to how even very caring & close partners will often please another at a time when they don't really want to participate; or perhaps when both simply want some physical release or 'fun' and choose to indulge for that pleasure.
I and I would suggest most of us, have never forced anyone to engage with me in sexual activity. Nor have I ever asked for consent. The reality has been that the best sexual intimacy I have ever known has come about naturally and spontaneously because both myself and partner were of like mental mood and feeling at the same time. The 'consent' was not a question because our engagement was a series of actions and responses which complemented one another.
Are we to seriously believe that before any sexual intimacy it ought to be necessary to request approval before anything takes place? Even if we do so, as most of these occurrences will be in private, who else will know whether we have or haven't? It will almost always result in one word against another, should there be dispute afterwards.
I suggest also, that for the vast majority of people, a 'love life' would be substantially handicapped and, perhaps even eliminated if they could not engage in spontaneous intimacy without first seeking formal approval.
No, I don't think that sexual intimacy with another is acceptable unless the other is receptive to such engagement.
Yes I abhor the manipulation or deliberate abuse of anyone, sexual or otherwise, for the purpose of self gratification, profit or other ulterior motive and in contradiction to the wishes of that person.
However, this whole question is not one about one's sex but rather about social norms, conditioned behaviour, moral understanding and respect and caring for other lives.
Yes, we ought all to take responsibility for our actions and not make irresponsible decisions that have a likelihood of leading to actions that may harm others. However, we can only do so when we are in a state of capability to make rational, informed and reasoned decisions. Very few of us are such at all times. Also, because 'one thing leads to another', all of us will at times experience a situation that is unexpected or surprising in either a positive or negative way.
Human behaviour is a result of a complex of interacting factors. Too often, simplistic judgments are made of complex situations such that context and other pertinent factors are missed or ignored. In addition, our society is an adversarial one and this is probably more evident in our judicial systems than anywhere else. Instead of seeking to discover the what, who, how and why of an event, all too commonly the focus is on who to blame. We make a judgment, label someone a suspect or likely perpetrator, often as virtually our first step, and then look for proof that our choice was right. In other words, instead of being inquisitive we are accusative.
There is no simple answer to this issue for it is not binary. In some cases the victim may, indeed, have contribute to bringing about their own harm but that is not evidence that they chose to do so.
Our society needs to learn to judge less and understand more. To stop seeking to blame what are effectively symptoms of dysfunction and, instead, seek to rectify that underlying dysfunction. Only then will such abominations as sexual assault be minimalised or possibly, even eliminated.
