I don't think that your disdain for rules is shameful. There is therefore no need for it to be a secret, as you've clearly realised for you've just made it public.

In fact, I think that contrary to what you say, you are well aware of the technical elements of writing or, at least, of most of them. Were you not so, the logical flow, clear sentence structure and commonly accepted grammatical structure of your writing would not be what it is.

That you cannot, perhaps, define or label particular parts of speech is not failure of evidence to understand their application. There are probably many craftsmen who have learned from others and who, although able to make, for instance, a perfect dove-tail joint or immaculate weld, may be quite unable to explain the theory underlying what they do or even name the labels assigned tot he tools and techniques they use.

Beethoven broke many rules of music, though to be fair, he is credited with having expressed the notion that: "to break the rules one has to first understand them" - or words to that effect. I tend to agree.

In a nutshell, for I am aware of my failing for verbosity, whether consciously or unconsciously, you have learned the rules and you *do* apply them, at least most of the time.

However, I agree with what I take to be your main point: that whilst AI is perfectly capable of grasping and utilising all the 'rules' or 'technicalites' and 'techniques' that comprise the task of writing intelligibly, it is - at least at present - unable to add the creative juice, human feeling, level of nuance or personal style that will replicate with veracity that of a human author.

For what it's worth, whether you agree or disagree with my thoughts, I enjoy much of your writing. ☮️