Thank you for that post, Amanda. Your views and approach are refreshing.
I am an old man and have 'supported' women in many different ways throughout my life. I have made many mistakes. My conditioning occurred at a time when the writings of Masters & Johnson & Betty Friedman were seen as controversial and startling to many. It was a time before Germaine Greer, burning the bra or slogan feminism. It was a time of much greater ignorance, much less freedom of expression for women particularly and a politico-socio-economic structure most definitely having little consideration or design to suit the needs of women.
All that being said, the stereotype of masculinity of my expected role in society, as well as that of women, was very different than that of today.
In spite of that, I was always someone with what I would term, (at risk of mocking or seeming to repeat a stereotype), a strong feminine side and a fascination with male/female relationships on all levels. Yes, I have also always been sexually attracted to women and have had many intimate relationships.
My intimacy has always been honest and I have certainly never forced or abused anyone. At the same time, I am aware with the benefit of hind-sight, that *I* have been extremely ignorant & selfish on many occasions, though not intentionally so or even aware of it at the time.
Without over-extending the length of this comment by supplying greater explanation & example, what I wish to suggest is my thought that most of what I now see as unfortunate or careless & selfish behaviour came about because of unfortunate social norms and taboos that mitigated against any real and open discussion between male & female. Indeed, not only a paucity of discussion existed but even of information. I can only surmise about what girls were told about boys but I do know that boys were rarely, if ever, given even physical & biological information about girls, let alone any understanding of the affective influences and experiences of our opposite sex.
This, to me, is one of the most significant causes of the creation of social structures that mitigate against equity. Sadly, in my view, things haven't changed all that much in this area, other than perhaps in superficial ways.
Of course, there are many other cause for the evolution of particular types of human constructs, not least being evolutionary, historical, political and religious influences.
However, my main point - excuse please my long-winded arrival at it - is that what you are doing is, in my view, 'precisely' what is needed and what has been missing. To me, it exemplifies what ought to be happening within parenting and schooling. When children are given and witness only 'cardboard cutout' representations of the opposite sex or, indeed, non-heterosexual genders, how are they reasonably expected to relate sensitively and compassionatrely to one another, other than in the somewhat awkward, fumbling & mistake ridden manner which consittue for most of us our first intimate sexual encounters?
In writing this, I don't seek to excuse any mistakes I've made or hurt I've caused. Believe me please when I say that I am all too aware and ashamed of the indifferent ignorance I know that I must have displayed on many occasions in my life. I cannot change that behaviour now but I have reflected on it and made many changes to how I think and feel and act, as well as attempting to relay what I believe I have learned for the good, to other men and boys.
Arriving at my present understandings, such as they are, has been a long and difficult journey. It has been all the harder for being labelled, (and therefore stereotyped with all its consequences), as a 'baby-boomer', 'privileged white male', and etc. Although we are all unique individuals, I believe that we also share universalities of concept and feelings and therefore I assume that there are other men such as I. Men who will willingly engage and where necessary learn, adjust, modify their behaviour and seek to build bonds of respect and equity with girls and women and that this is how real & lasting change can eventuate.
Yes, the male psyche has to undergo many serious adjustments if we are to achieve equity & safety for the sexes, but surely this is a joint journey and offer the 'benefit of the doubt' that will provide the space for men to achieve such change.
Perhaps, of courses, I have it wrong. Being an arrogant old man, I don't believe so. That is why I commend you for providing that support, that space, that information, and that opportunity for men such as myself and hopefully many others, to feel welcome to express their own inner feelings to women without fear of ridicule or accusations of insincerity.
Thank you.
