Yes, many bread winners, particularly sole bread-winners do work hard and often also put the needs of their families - in material and other ways - in front of their own. This is a not uncommon response because of conditioning to the notion that the 'man' in the family should support and protect 'his' family.

Although there may not be a conscious intention to act in an abusive, demeaning or inattentive to the needs of partners and children in a respectful way and one considerate of their emotions and *their contributions*, the reality is that a 'family', to use common parlance, ought to be a 'team'.

All members of a family need to have respect and be recognised for what they bring to it. Although financial income is essential in modern society, there are many more inputs that are at least as important and, in my view, more important

Abuse doesn't have to be conscious or intentional. Hurt and pain are experienced when it occurs, regardless of whether it was caused by simple ignorance, lack of thought, conditioning or anything else.

I have no religion, for many reasons. However, I do believe that despite many negatives there is wisdom to be gained from some of its writings.

'Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you' is well worthy of note.

However, conditioning is both insidious and strong and poor examples of behaviour often accepted or overlooked as the 'norm', because of those factors.

It behoves us all to look outwards rather than inwards, particularly when considering relationships with others. The more intimate we are with another, the more important this becomes, not least because often they are those with whom we spend most time and consider that we know best. - The downsides to that, however, are many - 'familiarity breeds contempt' is a valid aphorism. It doesn't necessarily mean contempt in the sense of directly abusive words or actions, (though sometimes that is the case), but rather 'taking for granted', i.e. not thinking about or questioning the status quo - what is normal in your relationships.

We all need to review our relationships and our own part in them on a regular basis. Avoiding tedium of regularity, potentially unfortunate habits, failing to consider how what we do is perceived by others and why we act and speak in the ways that we do.

In a society that magnifies the importance of materialism and wealth and that has a legacy of male dominance, religiously inculcated false understandings of female worth and value, and often unrealistic expectations of males, it is not surprising that conflict and hurt is not only common in many families but not even recognised for what it is. Indeed, in many cases it will be defended as acceptable and normal and jusitifiable - however in all cases with false logic and argument.

These situations are not a case of someone being 'good' or 'bad'. All of us have desirable and undesirable character traits. All of us have moments and times when we act without thought or react inappropriately. We are a mixture created by upbringing, learning, socialisation, culture, community and more. We are not 'one thing' and cannot be reasonably defined by one word.

If relationships are to be healthy and individuals respected equally and equitably within them, we simply need to remember to check on ourselves and our significant others with regularity and objectivity. When hurt by another's actions, we need to consider what may have prompted that action and not simply react to it. When we recognise that the mistake is largely ours, we need to show enough courage and humility to take ownership of the issue and not only apologise for it but act to minimise the chance of it happening again.

Avoiding the easy, natural and ubiquitous trap of putting ourselves first, is essential to building respectful, constructive and mutually caring and supportive relationships with others.

This is why my motto is 'non sibi des cunctis' - i.e. not because I am being pretentious or consider myself better than others but because I know that I need to constantly remind myself to care for others. first.

Why do I know and believe this? - I have been the opposite.

Take care. Stay safe. ☮️